In the fall of 2008 I began volunteering with Memphis Urban YoungLife. I had heard of YoungLife from a girl in my Bible study in college who was leading a small group so when I ended up in the same small group as the Memphis Urban YL Director I jumped right in. Soon I was the one piece of vanilla in a chocolate inner city youth group. My first week in Tacoma I was doing something with group sales at work and came across a YoungLife group that would be coming to the ballpark this season. I got the contact for that group who happens to be the Area Coor for YL, met with him, signed up to volunteer, and jumped right in.
Today I spent the day in Everett, WA at the Regional YoungLife Leaders Conference. I gave up the opportunity to watch Illinois beat Michigan State on national television to go to this conference. And I needed it. As I settle into Tacoma one of the things I've noticed the most is how disconnected I feel from the body. I guess that's normal when you move to a new area but every season of my life God has really blessed with me fellowship and accountability and I'm missing that right now. Even just a conversation with someone, face to face, that's deeper than the surface.
Tomorrow I'm going to church #4 in an effort to find a place to connect to. Each Saturday I get really excited for Sunday morning and each Sunday morning I wake up disappointed when I realize I don't get to go to my church. I'm starting to realize that I'm not going to find anything close to Fellowship out here but today at the conference was the best combination of worship and teaching I've found since I've been in Washington.
I don't know if there was a theme for the day or even if the speaker spoke on the same topic in all his sessions but I know the presence of the Lord was there and He met with me today. Over the past several months I feel like God has been working on me in two specific areas: 1. my selfishness and 2. the condition of my heart. So I think this conference is pretty well summed up for me in these song lyrics "love so amazing, so divine, demands my life, my soul, my all". In the first session the speaker talked about when Jesus was trying to get away from the crowd in Luke 5 and He got into Peter's boat. He then tells Peter to put his net deep in the water and Peter tells Him that they haven't caught anything all night but because Jesus said to he would. Of course, he net is overflowing when he tries to pull it back out of the water. Right then and there Peter leaves everything and follows Jesus. On the greatest day of his fishing career, things are looking up, Peter just up and leaves it. What does that say? It reminds me that nothing in this world will satisfy me like Jesus can.
In the last session of the day we sang Chris Tomlin's "The Wonderful Cross" from which the above lyric comes. As we sang that part it hit me. I'm here. I'm not going back. Jim Elliot once said, "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." I am all in Tacoma and I am all the Lord's, wrecklessly abandoned to Jesus Christ. And this means I have no rights, I don't deserve anything. Everything I have is because the Lord chooses to pour out His grace and kindness toward me in Christ Jesus (Eph 4.7). I struggle a lot with the "older brother syndrome"--frustrated when the prodigal is shown grace b/c I think I deserve something better--and then I remember the height from which I have fallen and the richness of God's mercy that redeems me.
I am not my own. I am here b/c of God's grace and for His glory. I pray that I never forget the height from which I have fallen and that I continually lay down my rights, my wants, my desires, even my needs for the sake of knowing Him more.
"If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me." Luke 9:23
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